A woman I have been seeing about her use of alcohol and other drugs for about five years went to her doctor the other day for a routine checkup. It went well but exposed a hindrance to recovery that needs to change.
One of the biggest challenges people in recovery face is not even their own problem, it is a problem that other people have in not believing in them. “When does it end?” asked a client of mine who has been sober for over two years.
The visit began with similar questions about the choice that were not pertinent to the care she was there to receive.
“Have you had your vaccine?” asked the receptionist.
“No,” she said.
“Why not?” replied the other woman.
“I don’t want to,” said my client. A woman who had taken charge of her life a year earlier and made every choice based on what she thinks and not others.
Then this disturbing exchange:
“Are you going to your meetings?” asked her doctor, who she had been seeing since leaving a 30-day program in early 2019.
“No,” she replied.
“When was the last time you went to a meeting?”
“The last time I was forced,” she said. “Which was the day I left [the recovery center].”
When does it end? Seriously, people can change
This is indeed the case. In fact, she has had no contact with even a social worker since about four months post sobriety. I was a part of her team, working under a social worker, as a recovery coach since 2016. The condition at the time was that we would meet twice a week, and there were no meeting requirements. I would check in with the social worker once a month to let him know how she was doing.
While we still stay in touch each week, it is no longer in person and has not been since before the pandemic. When I left the United States and took all my clients with me as an online recovery coach, we continued to speak regularly on the phone, and she has not had a single relapse in that time. The last time I checked in with the social worker was November 2019.
Yet still, this doctor puts in her mind that she is an addict. The same old tired message seems only to keep people in the mindset of failure, struggle, and utterly devoid in believing that people can change if they choose to change.
In her early 60s, she had quite the wild ride of drugs and alcohol over the years, but, after about two years of meetings, she chose to go into a rehab center for a month to dry out.
This was a significant step for a woman who avoided all forms of psychotherapy. She also did not trust social workers but found in a recovery coach someone who had walked the same path and whom she trusted. That was, and still is, me.
But, as is the case with many people in recovery, the suspicion of others is that we will suddenly lose self-control and revert back into a high-risk and destructive lifestyle.
Follow your light to end of the tunnel
The good news is, recovery is a choice. Addiction is not contagious and is not “caught”. It is not biologically passed. Addiction ends when one chooses it to end. The client I mention in this blog is one of many I have worked with in the past decade. As is the case with each of those I stay in touch with, the people around them still essentially believe in their imminent failure.
The even better news is that we do not have to listen to the opinions of others unless we choose. Likewise, we do not have to be their label or live their fantasy.
We live our lives and do not let our lives live us.
If you are considering speaking with a recovery coach about your path, and would like the freedom to choose when and how often we meet, perhaps an online recovery coach is for you. Email me at stev@windandraven.com or fill out a contact form on my About/Contact page.
https://windandraven.com//blog/what-is-a-freedom-coach/