From my book, I share a passage on seeking wisdom from unexpected sources, like cobwebs, and learning to view others’ humanity beyond their actions. I discuss how embracing a vegetarian lifestyle and making radical changes helped me survive a challenging illness. My experiences led me to develop a powerful mind-body connection through the Ceremony of the Body, which greatly impacted my healing journey. Dive into these lessons and more in my book.
A passage from
“This is How it Feels to Heal“
One day, while sitting at her cottage on the outskirts of Athens that looked on the inside and outside as it should be in JRR Tolkien’s “The Shire.” As we sat across from each other, the smell of white sage filling the air, I asked, “Where do you look for answers?”. She said something that I have repeated many times since. “When I have a deep question, I ask a cobweb,” was her reply. “If I don’t get my answer, I ask it another way.” It was a fitting reply as there were often cobwebs seen in the sun shafts that managed to find their way into the slightly smokey room. And even when I could not understand what it meant, that was all she said.
She did something I had never experienced before the same day, commenting on current events. A few days prior, Vice President Dick Cheney had undergone a heart procedure. While talking about these current events, she said: “he acted the way he did because he had a broken heart and prayed for his heart. Then, she looked at me and said, “I do not hate Bin Laden. I hate what Bin Laden did.”
Those teachings, the cobwebs, Cheney’s heart, and Bin Laden’s actions, stuck with me in the following ways: I interpreted the cobweb comment to mean that all the answers are within you and that you just need to ask the right questions. Obviously, the cobweb cannot answer in the typical way you and I can, but that does not mean that the answer will not come to you if you are open to hearing it and asking it in the right way. Power comes from within and not without.
The Cheney and Bin Laden comments are different forms of what one of my later teachers Lujan Matus means when he says, “Can you see your heart in another?”. Basically, we are all born the same, but we each have different experiences. Therefore, how we evolve as individuals and act depends mainly on our interpretation of the nature of those experiences. For the vast majority of us, the variations are relatively small. Yet, it is easy to look down on others in today’s “got to get ahead” society.
But regardless of how we regard what a person does in their life, can we still see the humanity inside them and not just their actions? If not, we have no business judging others for how they may feel about us. I was beginning to think in that way more and more as I adapted a spiritual approach to my physical health. The first time I noticed this was with a night at the movies.
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Becoming a vegetarian was one of the best choices early in the illness. I also eliminated most forms of processed foods. Without knowing it at the time, it greatly impacted my ability to come out of stage four HE from time to time and have somewhat “normal” days. In navigating life with HE, I learned how much it was impacted by animal protein. More on that later.
To recap about HE, stage three is the level in which all of the symptoms are intensified, as far as confusion, lack of attention span, etcetera, but at stage four came the extreme weakness, short-term memory loss, the inability to carry on conversations, and blackouts in which I would appear to others to be available. This is the stage I was in from 2011 to 2015.
At times, while in a conversation, I would suddenly find myself waking up, in a different room or even driving to another town on one occasion. There would be no memory of what happened in between.
Not long after diagnosis, I watched the documentary “The Cosmic Giggle” and was introduced to Lujan Matus. Aside from Jerry Garcia, Matus has had perhaps the most significant impact on my life since I read his book “The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception.” He recounts how he was taken out of ordinary reality and transported to another reality in which his benefactor taught him the ways of ancient Shamanic practices. Subsequently, he released other books to accompany his movement and healing practice. While I have each of them as they came out over the past many years, his first book planted a seed in my mind that grew into all that followed. First and foremost, it gave me the tools to discern truth and capitulation. These two became the basis of my inner work in a Shamanic space, essentially an out-of-body practice.
To prepare, I decided to make some radical changes. I came to see the world I experience as the manifestation of my memories, and I have the power to create the world you choose. To undo my impression of the past, I changed my routines and then changed them again. I began walking backward on a path in the woods, putting on two different kinds of socks. I deleted playlists, built new ones, and then deleted them again. I sought to create a new world based on nothing from the past as often as possible. I began saying, “The hardest addiction to break is being right,” and began unwinding my mind of preconceptions.
I became obsessed with anything that would keep me alive. I looked at everything in the natural world as my friend, for it was full of life. So, for example, I became a vegetarian and stopped eating all kinds of processed food. Instead, I started creating drinks, or smoothies, that nobody else would ever try, thanks to a juicer my wife bought me, along with a blender.
I learned that beets were good for the liver, and they became the base for almost every concoction I created. This was where things changed how I viewed what I chose to ingest. First, I would put them in whole, along with apples, oranges, carrots, kale, spinach, broccoli, and anything else I brought home from the store. Then, I would go out into the yard, pick leaves and flowers, and even toss in some dirt. Finally, I would add spices and herbs and blend them all into a thick green goop that I loved. It did not matter much what it tasted like; it felt great, my body knew it.
From the moment it hit my mouth, I felt my body rejoice. I could feel it go down my throat, into my stomach, and from there, feel it flow through my veins. It would almost bring me to tears as I thanked nature and everything alive for being there to sustain me. It was a glorious event, and I did it daily.
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My kids and I went to see The Lorax. It was an animation of the Dr. Suess story in which the star, The Lorax, proclaims, “I speak for the trees” in his role. We loved the movie, and his statement stuck with me.
A day or two after watching the movie, feeling the impact of HE, I sat alone under my favorite tree. I appropriately named a fig tree Newton after the well-known snack “Fig Newtons,” the same three I had sat under for a year with the runes and went into a deep meditation-like condition. While I sat there, out of the darkness came a rugged landscape like the Badlands of South Dakota. It was dark, yet I could vaguely make out the terrain. I was flying high in the dark sky when suddenly I noticed what appeared to be a teepee like the ones you might see with the Lakota on the plains.
As I approached and descended, I flew right into the doorway created by one flap being pinned back. There was a fire in the middle, and I landed opposite the door and sat one of the mats on the floor. There were several other mats, but all of them were empty. I don’t know where it came from, but I suddenly said, “It is time for the Ceremony of the body.” Over the next few minutes, I watched as representations of my body in various abstract forms took their places on the mats. There was my ankle, wrist, hips, heart, skin, kidneys, several others, and lastly, my liver. Once all the mats were complete, I stated, “I am Steve, and I speak for the liver.” “I am not sure if I said that aloud or just thought about it. Still, I continued, and it went like this: For all my life, in everything I have done, my body has been able to show or tell me about my mistakes. For example, when I stayed in the sun too long, my skin turned red and hurt; if I took a wrong step and twisted my ankle, it would hurt, and so on, but that was not the case with the liver.
Without even being aware of it, I had been doing great harm to my liver for some time while the rest of my body enjoyed a “good time.” When I had too much to drink or did drugs or any combination of substances at the game, at the concert, out with friends, or even alone at home playing my music, at the end of the day. But that is when the liver would have to work through the night until it could no longer. So even then, on that day that I had fallen down the steps, it was trying. Still, my mind was clogged with toxins that caused me to collapse.
Despite being “failed,” as to the directive for my diagnosis of six months to live, that same liver was still working despite the odds. So I decided to put every other part of my body in service to the liver. No longer would I “not like” foods that I knew were good for me, especially the liver. I nominated my taste buds “The Ambassadors of Nutrition,” and it was their job to detect what was good from me and only send that signal to my brain. If it was good for me, it would also taste good. It worked immediately. I tested it a few days later and suddenly found that not only could I eat broccoli, but also something I had never liked.
Somehow, I had intended via thought what was manifest in physical reality in how I perceived and thus judged taste quality. So, I also put into place a process by which, at the end of each day, while preparing for sleep, I would check in with each part of my body and ask it to send any unused healing power it had remaining for the day to my liver while I slept.
At this point, I began to just sit back and observe what I was looking at, not to judge it, but to just observe it. In this way, I began to see things as they were and not just look at them with preconceived notions. It was the first in the series of significant events that led me to say, “This is how it feels to heal.” years later.
Additionally, my diagnosis became more complex as the years progressed. As such, the Ceremony of the Body was applied in different forms to cope with my challenges. However, having the ability to consciously tell my body what to do was the single most influential act in my mind-body connection during my illness. This topic will be discussed further in this book when I introduce The Teacher.
Author’s Reflection
I share a transformative journey of self-discovery and healing in my book. The key messages are about the power within ourselves, our connection with nature, and our empathy for others despite their actions. I recount a profound conversation with a wise teacher and share valuable lessons learned from cobwebs, Cheney’s heart, and Bin Laden’s actions. I also discuss my health struggles and how I embraced a spiritual approach, a vegetarian diet, and an unconventional practice called the Ceremony of the Body.
Key takeaways
- All answers lie within; we must ask the right questions and be open to receiving them.
- We should see the humanity in others beyond their actions.
- Embracing a healthy lifestyle and connecting with nature can positively impact our well-being.
- The Ceremony of the Body demonstrates the power of the mind-body connection and conscious healing.
Get a copy of “This is How it Feels to Heal,” here from Amazon.
#MindBodyConnection #CobwebsWisdom #HealingJourney