What we do is always on us. There’s no way around it, though responsibility is often shifted to something or someone else when it comes to choosing the next step.
Unless someone has somehow taken control of your physical body, the choices you make are yours alone. You lift your foot, raise your hand, and make that decision—regardless of why you act.
Where that choice leads is 100% the result of your actions.
This morning, I opened my back door, as I do every morning, to greet the fresh air. It was raining. I stepped outside because I like to, no matter how it feels. Whether it’s cold, wet, hot, or mosquito-filled, I go because I align with what I like to do and who I am.
But today, I kicked over a small grill I use as a quasi-fire pit. I don’t use it for cooking, but it nourishes me in other ways. At that moment, though, my shin and the grill were at odds.
Because I chose not to turn on the light—or forgot that I’d left the pit out the night before—I hurt my shin. (It’s just a scrape, no need to worry. I’m fine.)
The point is, it’s easy to say, “I hurt my shin because it was dark.” That’s an explanation, yes, but it can also feed into insecurities and create a narrative that the darkness caused the injury—not my choices.
The darkness did nothing. It simply existed as the absence of light. It didn’t hide anything, nor does it have an opinion about me or my actions. By shifting blame to something external, we blind ourselves to a larger truth about our lives and our responsibility for the results of our choices.
When we develop awareness around small things like this, we gain the ability to shape our reality.
Creating your own reality is powerful—so long as it’s genuine and not a form of bypassing. I’ve done this in my own life. During my illness, I created a reality where I would survive, and I stuck to that vision. I took ownership of every move, good or bad, including those of the professionals helping me.
The illness was real, and it could have killed me, but I made a decision: I wouldn’t let it. If my life ended, it would be on my terms. This mindset might sound trite, but it works. I’ve lived it, and I’ve seen it work for others. It’s not just about overcoming illness—it applies to the everyday challenges people face.
Whether it’s struggling with a partner, a boss, or finances, the principle remains: stop waiting for “it” to fix itself.
Take this example:
“I got fired because my boss was a jerk.” Sure, but could you have made your boss happy? If so, why didn’t you? And if that wasn’t okay with you, why stay in that situation?
“I need money.” That’s a common problem, but we created the system we live in—credit cards, debt, all of it—and you chose to engage with it.
The solution isn’t to fix your boss or solve the economy. It’s to shift how you view and approach these challenges. Sometimes, a slight change in perspective can open up entirely new possibilities. A subtle shift in self-awareness can make life feel more manageable and, often, much more fulfilling.
I’ve seen this transformation firsthand. One of my clients has been with me for two years. When she started, the world seemed to be against her. But through her own hard work, she’s emerged stronger, thriving.
Another client described my approach like this: “Half the time, I don’t know what he’s talking about, but it all makes perfect sense.” This client went from facing prison and personal loss to rebuilding his life—and has stayed sober for four years.
The key isn’t forcing change. You can’t change anyone else. You can only change yourself, your perspective, and how you respond to the world.
When you take full responsibility for your choices, everything changes. It’s not about behaviors—those are the end result of deeper thought processes. To change your actions, you have to address the thoughts and beliefs driving them.
Lift yourself.
Ask yourself: What’s holding me back? Chances are, it’s not the external circumstances but how you view them.
The big three areas people focus on—romantic love, health, and money—are all attainable. But you have to work for them. You have to love yourself, care for your mind and body, and make intentional choices to create the life you want.
No one is coming to save you. You save yourself.
And if it doesn’t work out the way you envisioned? That’s okay. Keep moving toward what you want, because change is permanent.
This time of year can be emotionally challenging, especially for those navigating difficult circumstances. If you find yourself in a rough patch, pick yourself up, or perhaps reach out to someone, but do not dwell in contemplation and embrace self-responsibility.